A List
by Val-Creative
Summary: Season 4, Episode 22 coda. Lena tosses the white wine bottle and Kara super-saves it, revealing what Lena already knows about Supergirl. They both deal with the fallout and the emotions to it.


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**.**

Of all things, Lena feels like crying. An ugly, gut-wrenching sensation squirming up Lena's entire body.

She doesn't want to look at Kara and think of a deep betrayal years in the making. To see it lurking in Kara's sweet and naive eyes crinkling when she's with Lena. Between her smile.

The heaviness of the white wine bottle in Lena's hand increases.

Maybe it's a rage-motivated impulse, or a confirmation, but Lena tosses the bottle in the direction of the wall with all of her strength. Right past Kara's head. In a matter of moments, Kara has stood up, her heavenly golden hair flying around her. She has the bottle right by the neck, inches from getting smashed, looking confounded at the apartment's wall and then Lena.

The dismayed hush submerges the room. There's traces of fear and guilt on everyone's faces as they gaze at Lena, too.

Alex frowns, quickly avoiding eye-contact and staring at Kara's too-pale profile. Lena shakes her head a little, breathing out a strangled, high laugh, and storms out. She misses when Kara looks gobsmacked at Alex, finally beginning to register the situation.

Lena heads for the apartment's staircase when Kara rushes out, going at a human speed.

"_Please_, Lena—I didn't—"

"You know what, I was hoping somehow—" Lena interrupts her, unable to hide her tiny, cruel grin, "—_somehow_ that Lex was wrong." The rage boils over, and then freezes like ice in Lena'a bloodstream. "Joke's on me."

She slips away out the exit, leaving Kara with her own self-made devastation.

**.**

**.**

Another week passes.

Lena slips off her black, floral-printed sweater, leaving on her white spaghetti-strap tank and her dark trousers. The bright sunshine hitting her face.

She sits down and examines the picture frame of herself and Alex and Kara. Her brandy-glass crushes over Kara's face. More impulses. More emotions Lena needs to gain control over. Lena preoccupies herself with her notepad instead. A list of weekly goals to accomplish. Donations to accept and funnel to the children's hospital, a merger…

**\- EXPOSE SUPERGIRL**

Lena mulls over her last bulleted scribble, knowing she only considered it out of a personal vendetta. Which ultimately isn't the best motivation. It would make her more like her mother and Lex. She rolls her eyes at the thought, shoving the notepad aside and taking down a mouthful of the vintage cognac. The glass decanter rattles as she refills, and as Kara meekly wanders through Lena's office-door.

"Hey, Lena…"

"Get out," Lena mutters, not glancing up.

Kara holds up the pastel pink bag of donuts. Like a peace offering. She sets them by a coffee table showering bouquets of purple and indigo violets and gives Lena a disheartened half-smile, turning away. Same thing every day since Lena bolted out of game night.

"Why?"

Lena finds herself asking this, her voice quivery. _Shit_. Maybe the liquor is getting to her.

"Just… _why_, Kara?"

The other woman hangs her head, fiddling with her thick-rimmed glasses. "I-I wanted to protect you."

But it's not the answer Lena wants to hear. Not a manipulative, fractured truth. Lena gulps the rest of her brandy in her glass, slamming it down on her office-desk. "You're a _liar_, Kara," she barks. "You lied to my face since the day I first met you."

"… I shouldn't have."

"I knew the whole time," Lena confesses, her face expressionless.

"_What_?" Kara asks, shocked.

"Did you really think I was so stupid? You surviving how many building explosiosn… dodging bullets just in the nick of time… running away and then Supergirl shows up who looks_ exactly like you without glasses, Kara_." A sneer widens over Lena's pinched, heated features. "I didn't say anything because I was waiting for you to_ tell me_. Because you were my best friend and _I_ was trying to protect you. Lex knew your secret and I was terrified of him revealing your secret… maybe you did think I was stupid."

"_NO_—!"

"I am stupid. For believing in you." A sullen sniffle. Kara braves the chance to come to her, prying the brandy-glass out of Lena's fingers. But doesn't push for anything else. "I loved you, Kara," Lena whispers, red-eyed, tears streaming. The bright white sunshine softening all of Kara's lines and curves. "I really… _loved_ you. More than a friend."

Drinking… really bad during the early afternoon. Lena hardly cares.

She grasps Kara's hand like a death-vice, but it's nothing to someone like Kara. Supergirl. An alien. Her best friend. The girl she fantasized about more than she ever did with Jack or James. Women are… Lena likes _women_. She really likes Kara.

Kara's eyes fall on the list, and Lena's rage and pain scribbled out, and she only calls out Lena's name. Kara's thumb brushing rhythmically and comfortingly over Lena's skin.

More than anything, Lena wants her to brush away the hot, ugly tears. For Kara to slip off her glasses and hold her cheek and kiss her senseless. Until Lena forgot why she felt this way. Hold her down against the expensive office desk and _fuck_ her and return this soul-shattering feeling of love that leaves Lena _breathless_. She dreamed of Kara as Supergirl coming to her in the dead of night, hovering over her balcony, speaking her truth and asking for forgiveness, and Lena would give it to her, embracing her, placing her lips to Kara's throat and tasting her mouth _and_… …

"This was my fault. All of it," Kara insists, her own bright eyes glimmering. "I can't fix it right now, but I'm gonna try. Lena, I will."

Her fingers rub gently over Lena's hand and wrist, cradling her, and Lena shuts her eyes — imagining a world of sunshine and Kara's smiling and rosy face above her, and all of those honey-sweet words manifesting as truth.

Maybe one day.

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* * *

_Supergirl isn't mine. I REALLY REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT LENA DIDN'T KNOW THE WHOLE TIME KARA AS SUPERGIRL. I REFUSE. This show SHOULD admit it as KAra and Lena in a romantic light. Assholes. __________Okay so it is __30 Days of NSFW but LGBT+ Pride edition where every single day is a LGBT+ identity that a character embodies or a relationship does using the focus/perspective of the story. It's either gonna be canon or fanon! It is Day 14 which is "Sapphic" and Lena may not be in canon sapphic spoken out loud but the writing hints at it. Often and well. And they need to stop being cowards about it.  
_________

_Along with this from the 30 Day OTP Porn Challenge this is also Day 14 which is "on a desk" and this is a prompt table I'm using for June. _

_(If you enjoyed reading this, I would love to hear any comment/thought you had! Also are you LGBT+ too? How are you celebrating Pride Month this year?)_


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